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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26427163">Dear Camelot</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucie_LightwoodBane/pseuds/Lucie_LightwoodBane'>Lucie_LightwoodBane</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Letters [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Arthur Returns, Boys Kissing, But it's sad for a while, Dangerous Situations, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, I promise, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, It'll make more sense if you read it, Kinda, Letters, M/M, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin), Merlin deserves nice things, Near Death Experiences, Secret Relationship, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, but this is why we can't have them</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:21:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,562</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26427163</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucie_LightwoodBane/pseuds/Lucie_LightwoodBane</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Out in the country, there lies an old ruin of a castle. It has long been named a place of interest by scholars and for even longer there have been rumours of hauntings, of a blue eyed boy who wanders the keep, muttering stories of magic, adventure and long lost loves.</p><p>Tags will update as chapters are posted</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Letters [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988548</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>138</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Out in the country, there lies an old ruin of a castle. It has long been named a place of interest by scholars and for even longer there have been rumours of hauntings, of a blue eyed boy who wanders the keep, muttering stories of magic, adventure and long lost loves.  </p>
<p>If you were to follow him, he would lead you away from the areas that the experts deem safe, far into the mouldering wreck, through half collapsed corridors and disused halls, up broken stone steps until you reached a tower. You might see piles of dusty tomes stacked on rotting furniture, or glass jars of moulding paste that once held herbs. You would not realise what you had stumbled upon. The tower is where the blue eyed boy always goes. To the resting place of Camelot’s secrets.</p>
<p>In this collapsing, unimportant tower there is a room. It might have once belonged to a servant or apprentice of some kind, but it seems easy to dismiss. It would be nearly impossible to notice, in this crumbling wreck, that a piece of stone floor is loose. It would be even more impossible to pry up the heavy, worn slab and reveal the little alcove hidden underneath. </p>
<p>It’s a tiny space, barely big enough to fit its contents. A worn, leather-bound book written in a long dead language lies underneath a stack of papers. The papers are yellow with age, but otherwise perfectly preserved, as though they were behind glass in a museum. Letters, that when put together tell a story not unlike the one the ghost boy whispers as he makes his way to this place. Letters that reveal a part of the story long since lost to history. They have been carefully curated and hidden here, organised precisely by chronology. At the top of the pile, written in flawless script, lies the beginning and at the bottom, in messy scrawl, the end. Most of them are between two men, a noble and his serving boy. Love letters, scribbled in secret and smuggled to each other, quickly pressed into hands in corridors or left shoved under pillows and mattresses to be found later. They speak of a forbidden love, of bitter jealousy and sharp, overwhelming pain and betrayal. Even a cursory glance at them would make it obvious there was to be no happy ending.</p>
<p>And yet, were anyone to ever follow the blue-eyed boy to his lonely tower, they would see the stone that hides the resting place of these letters move aside for him and watch as he read the letters over and over. And maybe they would feel a pang of sympathy, as the soul trapped within this realm, called out for his lover in the next.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Once, the boy had a name. He remembers it well, though it’s been centuries since anyone used it. Sometimes, he still hears it, argued among scholars and sung to children in legends. He never dwells long enough to hear the rest of the story. </p>
<p>Instead, he retreats to the crumbling ruin he once called home and remembers the stories they cannot tell. The things he hides in this place, away from their prying eyes. His letters are once again removed from their dusty tomb to be read.</p>
<p>Arthur,<br/>Last night was a mistake. I meant every word, I swear I did, but we can’t do this. I shouldn’t have agreed to go. It hurts, knowing you feel the same way, and I hate thinking you’re hurting too. I’m sorry. It has to be this way.<br/>Merlin</p>
<p>The writing has remained the same, even as the pages themselves grow frail and yellow. Even where the paper has been stained with tears, the lettering remains perfectly unblotted. They are as unchanged as their curator, who looks upon them now with a bitter expression, hating the stupid, scared serving boy who could have saved his lover if only he’d trusted him. </p>
<p>Merlin,<br/>I don’t understand. We like each other. What else is there to say? You could at least talk to me instead of acting like a girl and hiding. I didn’t think you were that much of a coward.<br/>I’m sorry. I know it’s hard, Merlin. I wish it was easier, that I was nobody, like everyone else. I’m sorry I can’t be that for you. It’s selfish, but I love you. All I ask is that we try. <br/>Please Merlin.<br/>Yours,<br/>Arthur</p>
<p>There is no crying to be heard in the castle that night. Only a hollow emptiness that seems to echo through the bleak stone, a cold, bitter acceptance. The quiet is louder than the weeping ever was. It reaches out past the ruins, into fields and trees, across towns and housing.</p>
<p>A passing car casts a shimmer of gold light across the lake as Albion gives up on its King.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You guys were so sweet on the last chapter I was determined to write more! I'm gonna be honest, this is a little rushed because I was trying to get it written before uni started so apologies if it's not as good as the last chapter. I don't really have a set plan for this yet but there will definitely be at least two more chapters because Merlin deserves nice things. I'm aiming to update once a week from now on but it's super dependent on my workload so I can't make any promises.</p>
<p>Thank you so much for making it to the end of this chapter! If you liked it let me know, if not thank you for reading anyway! You're all awesome and I hope you have a great week!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The blue-eyed boy has stopped appearing. Strangely, the castle seems even more haunted without him, as though the building itself is missing its lost soul. There is no warmth in the air, no sense of adventure or discovery in its exploration anymore. Just piles of rubble stacked together in the shape of a keep. The stone seems colder than before, and footsteps echo more than they once did. There is an overwhelming sense of age that creeps up on its visitors, a bitter, resentful feeling. It’s as though the heart of the place has been ripped away. </p>
<p>Seemingly from this bitterness comes a new phantom, a blonde knight, slightly older than his predecessor, who stumbles through the castle deliriously, shouting for long dead companions. Occasionally, if he encounters someone in the halls, he will pause as if to speak to them before drawing his sword and slowly backing into the shadows like a hunted animal. Unlike the blue-eyed boy, who carelessly wandered through the old stones, this spectre seems wary, as though he knows he is out of place. He fits with the strange new atmosphere of loneliness. </p>
<p>As with the blue-eyed boy, nobody attempts to look into him. If they did, they would realise that the knight does not disappear with the sun like the previous phantom. Instead he climbs up to the lonely tower which once belonged to the other spirit and waits.</p>
<p>If anyone were to ask the knight, he might comment on the irony. Once, he was all too familiar with rescuing his loves. Now he must sit and await rescue. From what he isn’t sure. All he knows is that he cannot leave this place until he is saved. </p>
<p>If anyone frequented the tower, his presence would be noted. Even if he were not present at the time, it is clear something has changed. A slab of flooring has been pried up and scattered around the room, in messy, unorganised piles, are letters.</p>
<p>Dear Arthur,<br/>Of course, I understand. Courting Gwen is the best way for you to cover our tracks and I’m surprised you came up with it. It’s stupid to think we could ever walk around holding hands. Uther would have me executed and you’d waste years trying to find a manservant with my obvious skill and wit. And no matter how I feel, you need a wife or people will talk. Really, it’s okay. Gwen is noble and kind and she obviously likes you. She’d be perfect.<br/>Please just be careful. Guinevere is my friend and I don’t want to hurt her. We can talk later. Meet me at the usual time.<br/>Yours,<br/>Merlin</p>
<p>The letters no longer lie in chronological order. Instead they have been rifled through so that it is no longer a cohesive story, but snippets, robbed of context and thrown to the floor.</p>
<p>Dear Arthur,<br/>I can’t do this anymore. I love you, I swear I do, but I also love Gwen. She’s my friend and she’s your fiancée. I can’t hurt her like this and I know that you can’t either. I see the way you look at her. I know you love me, but you have feelings for her too. I’m glad actually. At least you’ll be with someone you care for. Someone who loves you like I do.<br/>I’m not angry. I wish you’d told me you were going to do this, or that you’d told Gwen the truth, but it’s too late for that. I would have tried to stop you. I would have run and told Gwen everything. In the end, I think this was inevitable. You can’t be with me and I know no one hates that more than you. Maybe in another life we could have what you get to have with Gwen. I want you to know that I don’t regret any of it. I wish I could be someone who didn’t care, I wish I could be selfish enough to keep seeing you, but I just can’t. I love you and no matter what happens I will always be by your side. We were meant to be together Arthur. I’m sorry we can’t be.<br/>Love<br/>Merlin</p>
<p>The edges of the letter are crinkled, where hands have clenched around the paper. The letter’s other half, a desperate, pleading reply, lies in shreds on the other side of the room. Only pieces of it remain legible.</p>
<p>Dear Merlin<br/>Please, I’m begging-<br/>-no choice-<br/>-want to hurt her either but-<br/>-have to do this I-<br/>-ve you. I understand that you can’t-<br/>-respect your wishes-<br/>-sorry it ended this way-<br/>Arthur</p>
<p>Those who enter the castle after sunset prefer the knight to the blue-eyed boy. There is no more crying or anguished screaming. The knight simply walks around the castle, calling out until his voice fades. Nobody notices if his footsteps grow quicker and his voice grows increasingly more frantic. Nobody notices how each night he goes to the entrance and steps one foot out, before retreating back within the walls of the keep. He is alone in this new world and so he returns to his search. He said he would always be by his side.</p>
<p>The knight shouts his lover’s name out into the night once more.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Once again this really isn't my best work but I was kind of rushed in putting this out. My lecturers have started sending work out, plus I've been meeting with clubs and I'm getting ready for my first TTRPG tommorrow so I haven't really had much time to write, but I wanted to try and stick with my schedule.<br/>I had the idea for this chapter as I was writing the first. Obviously I wasn't going to let Merlin suffer alone for long and as much as I love the idea of them reuiniting straight away, I felt like this would work better here. I'm sorry I dragged Gwen into this mess but she's my favourite and the idea of Merlin and Arthur having an affair behind her back really didn't sit right with me so I felt like I had to confirm that in this AU, Arthur DOES like her and he and Merlin split up before he marries her. Plus it adds a little more angst and drama.<br/>For anyone wondering why Arthur's risen now: It's 2020<br/>As always thank you for reading and if you liked it let me know! If you didn't that's totally fine too! Either way I hope you have a great week!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The castle is mostly uninhabited when the fire starts. A faint glow begins to devour the roof of the secret tower, illuminating it for the first time in centuries. It is the first piece of warmth it has felt in thousands of years and it threatens to destroy it. Within the tower, a faint cry is lost on the wind. Nobody sees that the blue-eyed boy has returned and stands in the shadows, watching with cold ambivalence as the spire burns. His eyes are no longer a soft blue. Instead they are the same gold as the flames that now threaten the spread throughout the castle. A small, naïve part of him is screaming to stop this. He ignores it. If he had ignored it from the beginning he would not be in this place. He has no need for faith in others when he is so alone.</p><p>Inside, the knight is calling for his lover frantically. The flames have caused pieces of timber to fall and block his exit. The tower is collapsing and he is trapped within it. The flames eagerly consume the rotten old wood that litters the chambers, coming closer and closer to him. He spots the letters where he left them, lying in a heap on the floor, tongues of flame closing in on them. He rushes forward, reaching them just as the fire begins to overtake them. It’s already too late for some but he cannot let them burn. He lets out a cry of pain as he thrusts his hands into the flames. It hurts, badly, and he can feel the fire licking away at his skin but he refuses to let go until he has at least one letter safe in his grasp. He clutches the charred paper closely to his chest and falls back from the flames to the window.<br/>The shattered glass provides the tiniest refuge from the choking heat of the fire, letting in the cool night air and the knight leans into it, resting his head against the stone wall. He is tired, so very tired. The past few weeks are as though he has been awoken from a dream, and now, he thinks that it might be nice to return to it. His lover is not coming. </p><p>For the first time, the knight takes in the state of his home and realises just how long it has been. How long has his love wandered this strange new world, alone? How long did he wait before he was killed or gave up hope? The knight isn’t sure which idea is more painful to him. Perhaps the most painful thing is simply knowing that he caused the boy he loved so much grief. The smoke seems to be curling around his mind now and he stumbles towards the window. One more try, just to see, just so he doesn’t feel totally helpless.</p><p>The boy is still standing in the shadows of the tower, the flames reflecting in his hollow, golden eyes. A single tear slides down his cheek as he watches his home burn. He knows that it was for the best, that he’s been clinging to the past for too long, but it still pains him. A face appears before him, one he hasn’t seen for many years, another name lost to history. The boy’s voice is softer than one might expect, even hardened by thousands of years of loss. <br/>“Sorry Gaius” </p><p>The wind carries his apology, so that it echoes at the foot of the tower. Inside the knight goes completely still. He prays to every god he can think of.</p><p>The boy gives the tower one more longing look before turning away. As he prepares to leave, something stops him. </p><p>For the first time in thousands of years somebody says his name.</p><p>“MERLIN” The voice, the wonderfully familiar, impossible voice, bellows.</p><p>He turns to see a blonde head sticking out of the window, soaked with sweat, covered in ash and looking more handsome than he ever had before. In a flash of golden eyes the knight is no longer in the tower. Instead he’s running across the grass to meet the boy.</p><p>The pair collide with nearly enough force to send each other flying. They cling to each other in a tight embrace that holds centuries of longing, heartbreak, sacrifice and all-consuming love. Tears, the first happy tears either has shed in millennia, fall onto shoulders and seem to soothe wounds, like the first drops of rain after a drought. There is no kiss, no grand declaration of love or dramatic words of passion. There is only the two boys in this moment of unknowable relief, as two halves of a soul are finally reunited.</p><p>“You almost killed me you prat” The knight whispers.</p><p>“Serves you right for leaving, clotpole” The boy replies.</p><p>The pair bursts out laughing, still holding onto each other, as the flames in the tower flicker out.</p><p>And for the first time since they were parted, Merlin and Arthur are whole.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What's this? Me? Updating early??<br/>I had my first real full day at uni yesterday and it almost killed me so I decided to get this chapter up while I had time. There's one epilouge chapter left which will be written and posted at some point between now and next Sunday. I'm playing with the idea of turning this into a series with more character's turning up at the castle so if you'd be interested leave a comment letting me know!<br/>So Arthur and Merlin are reunited! I know I'm bad at writing fluff but bear with me on this one. I don't know why but while I was writing chapter two I decided it'd be interesting (read *extremely frustrating and sadistic*) if Merlin unknowingly put Arthur in danger. Merlin is very dramatic this chapter and honestly it might be a little OOC but I'm gonna pretend it's intentional because he's been alone for so long not because I can't write for sugar.<br/>As always thank you so much for reading! If you liked it please leave a comment or drop some kudos to let me know! I love hearing from you guys so much, it really means the world! If you didn't like it or don't want to though that's fine! Either way have an awesome week!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After the fire, the researchers fled. Having had enough of the strange occurrences, they concluded that the place was of no historical interest outside of a few delusional theories about King Arthur. The site was passed to the National Trust who spent a few months cleaning and arranging things inside. And finally, after thousands of years, Camelot was once more open to her people.</p><p>Opening day is, of course, packed. In the rush of people nobody looks twice at the two men buying tickets at the entrance. One wears a brown leather jacket with jeans and a blue shirt that clashes with the knitted red scarf wrapped around his neck. His partner is bundled up in a thick red hoodie under a grey wool coat and he mutters something to the first man about “miserable weather”. He’s met with laughter but can’t bring himself to object when he sees his boyfriend’s face light up, wide blue eyes sparkling in the winter sun. Even now, it’s rare to see him laugh like that.</p><p>The girl sitting in the entrance booth gives them a tired smile as they approach and the man in the jacket hands over his membership card. She does a double take as her eyes skim over the name and grins.<br/>“Merlin Emrys?” She asks. <br/>The man simply shrugs. “My mother named me” He says, as though it’s an explanation<br/>The girl is still smiling as she hands them a map. “You know, some people reckon this site is actually Camelot. Welcome home”<br/>“Good to be back” Merlin replies, a mischievous look playing across his face, “Isn’t it Arthur?”<br/>Behind him, Arthur rolls his eyes and steers him away from the booth before he can tease the poor girl any more. She looks after them with a confused face and he sends her an apologetic look. Merlin’s jokes often leave people looking like that. Mostly because nobody understands them.</p><p>The rest of the day passes without incident. Nobody pays the couple any attention as they walk around, hand in hand. Nobody spots the irritated look on Arthur’s face as he takes in the state of the throne, or hears their bickering in the armoury <br/>“-really made me clean all of this”<br/>“You’re just lazy Merlin, it’s not like-”<br/>Nobody notices the small bouquet that appears underneath the portrait of an unnamed queen with dark curls or how the swords in the display on the knights suddenly gleam as though just polished. And likewise, nobody sees when they slip off into an area not yet open to the public. </p><p>They play around in the gift shop for a while, Merlin frantically waving a toy wand at a dragon plush as Arthur studies a plastic sword. The sun begins to go down as a voice comes over the speakers announcing the site’s closure in ten minutes. They exit the shop with their purchases and stand, side by side in the centre of the courtyard as the fading light illuminates the old stones. A passing guard, clearing people out, decides not to rush them. In the weary glow of the sunset they remind him of a blue-eyed boy and a heartbroken knight. Their lips meet as a final ray of sunlight washes over the courtyard, turning the bleached granite a soft gold.</p><p>In the morning, a charred piece of paper will be found as volunteers sort through artefacts in a crumbling, ash covered tower. They will realise it’s a love letter, the last surviving piece of a story that was once whispered to the walls every night.</p><p>Dear Arthur,<br/>Don’t listen to Uther, you did the right thing helping those people. You’re kind. Don’t let anyone convince you it’s a weakness. One day, when you’re king, you’ll help all of Camelot. Your father is bitter because he’s alone. I promise you love, you’ll never be alone like he is. I won’t let that happen. Even if we’re not together, we’ll never be truly separated. I trust in our destiny and I know that it’s to be together. <br/>I never expected to feel this way about you, the bossy royal prat, but it happened and I’m glad it did. Someone once told me that we would make each other whole, and he was right. You’re part of me, the very best part, and I know that if anything were to break us apart, it wouldn’t last long. We love each other and it ties us together. My love for you will stand as long as this castle and long after. Through this life and the one after, I will find you. No matter what, my love will stand.<br/>Yours Forever,<br/>Merlin</p><p>Out in the country, there lies an old ruin of a castle. It has recently been named a place of no interest by scholars. But for even longer it has been part of a story, of a blue eyed boy who for the final time, leaves the keep, sharing stories of magic and adventure with his newly returned love.</p><p>As darkness falls, the castle glows silver in the moonlight. </p><p>Camelot remains.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So that's it! The final chapter in Dear Camelot is done!<br/>Thank you guys so much for reading, commenting and leaving kudos! In case you didn't know, this is my first ever multi chaptered fic and my second work that I've posted online so all the positive feedback has really meant the world to me! You have no idea how grateful I am to you for sticking with me even when it got dark. I do try and write fluff but as you can probably tell from reading this chapter I'm not very good at it (nor am I good at angst really but oh well). <br/>I'm considering turning this into a series with more characters returning (Gwen, Morgana, Gwaine etc.) but I'm not decided yet so watch this space for more details if it's something you'd be interested in.<br/>If you liked it feel free to leave a comment or some kudos, it really does mean a lot to hear from you guys and get some feedback, but if you don't want to or you didn't like it no worries!<br/>Either way thank you (so much) for reading this mess of sadness and feelings to completion and I hope you all have a great week!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Update on pt 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hi guys! So it's been a while... (*cough* 2 months ). I really wanted to update sooner but I've been pretty busy lately with uni. I feel like I've really fallen behind with writing lately and I want to fix that, so I've decided to turn this fic into a series!<br/>
Part 2 will be called Sincerely Camelot and I'll be writing it in a similar style to this in terms of jumping between present day and letters between characters, probably with more focus on the characters pov. It will be set after the end of chapter 5 and focus on different characters returning (yes this is an excuse for me to torture these guys some more)</p><p>Chapter 1 will probably be posted at some point in the next two weeks as I'm still pretty busy with school. I initially said I would be taking requests for this but I really don't want disappoint anyone and in hindsight I don't think that format would work for what I have in mind. </p><p>Thank you once again for reading Dear Camelot and I hope you all have a great week!</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi and thank you so much for reading this total mess of angst! I just finished my rewatch of this series and I have a lot of emotions about Merlin and Arthur so I wrote this instead of my assignment. I'm not sure if I should keep this as a oneshot because I do have ideas for more chapters which would involve the actual letters so let me know what you think! If you did like it, I'd really appreciate any kudos or comments but it's totally fine if you didn't! Either way thank you so much for reading and have an awesome day!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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